Empty

Have you ever had this feeling where you don't really belong? It's not a heavy feeling. It feels kind of hollow. Yeah, I get that too. Quite frequently actually. I feel so empty lately. I don't know what I live for. No, it's not to the point where I have suicidal thoughts. I guess it's because I still think it's wrong to take your own life. But then, I don't feel like I'm living for myself, get what I mean? I feel like I don't have a purpose. What is my purpose anyway? Am I really living the life I wanted? Or am I actually living in this life for my family? I love my family. I miss them too.
Here, I always feel so lonely. I don't really have anyone to talk to. I'm sure no one would even want to listen. The anxiety gets worse at night though. That's when I would usually cry myself to sleep. Do you how hard it is to not make a sound? To not sniffle too loud and cover your face with a pillow so your cries would be muffled? Is this my way of seeking for help? I try so hard to put on a smile everyday as everything is alright, as if I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm going to keep lying to myself till it actually comes true. 
Sometimes I feel as if I'm not good enough. Then these ridiculous thoughts of having to prove myself would appear and well, you know what follows. The higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment if something doesn't work out as planned. 
My new schedule sucks. I don't even have time for myself. I don't really get the meaning of having some "self-time" because I really don't think I get it a lot. When I do have some free time, I would usually go out on my own and do my own thing. Alone. I've tried so many things to fill this gap I have in my heart but nothing seems to work. It only gets worse. I know that someday things will get better and I'm wishing so hard that it would come sooner. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling so out of place and unwanted and I'm tired of being replaced. I want to feel needed for a change. Basically, I'm just tired of being tired. 
Is this how depression feels like? Even if I do talk to someone, no one would ever believe me. "Get over it." That's what they'll say. "It'll pass." Yeah, sure. It's been 4 years now. I've been crying myself to sleep for 4 years. Does that matter? Then I would wake up and pretend like there's nothing wrong in my life. Will this emptiness ever go away? What does it even mean? Do I need to be loved and pampered? I don't know. I've never experienced that before. I just need a friend. Someone who'll be there for me just like I would always be there for them. Till then, I'll have to put on a smile and just try to get through the day.

Going Down My Timeline

Hello. So today I decided to check [is that even the right word to describe what I just did?] my posts on facebook. God, I didn't know I was so immature. Well I guess I was. And maybe I'm still just as immature.

The heartbroken posts, the song lyrics, etc. I was everything I hated today. I'm pretty sure if the me now is looking at all of those posts from the past me, I would be really annoyed. When I went to check the date I first joined facebook, I actually set my relationship status as married. Oh God, I feel so embarrassed.

Then, I was reminded by this one guy. Yeah, I'm sure everyone has a particular someone who left some sort of an impact on their lives. Impact. What a word.

It was stupid. I was stupid. I mean, I knew I was playing with fire but I guess you'll never know that it could actually hurt you until you've burnt yourself or something.

I'm still not ready to tell the whole story though. I don't know why. It's been ages. Okay, I was just exaggerating but it's just something that I don't know, kills a part of me every time I think about it. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to talk about it.

Red

Hi again. So yesterday I had the opportunity to listen to Taylor Swift's latest album, 'Red' and also the deluxe edition. I only have one word for it. Awesome.
Yes, she is my favourite singer but I am definitely not being biased about this. I mean, come on. The songs are beautiful. All kinds of emotions can be felt as you listen to the whole album. She may not have the most powerful voice but she is clearly improving. She is so much better now. So I guess I should list out all of the songs in the album.
Basically 'Red' consists of 16 songs and they are:
1. State of Grace
2. Red
3. Treacherous
4. I Knew You Were Trouble
5. All Too Well
6. 22
7. I Almost Do
8. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
9. Stay
10. The Last Time (feat. Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol)
11. Holy Ground
12. Sad Beautiful Tragic
13. The Lucky One
14. Everything Has Changed (feat. Ed Sheeran)
15. Starlight
16. Begin Again

The deluxe edition consists of another 6 songs;
1. The Moment I Knew
2. Come Back... Be Here
3. Girl At Home
4. Treacherous (Original Demo Recording)
5. Red (Original Demo Recording)
6. State of Grace (Acoustic Version)

All of these songs have a different feel to it. My current favourites are 'The Last Time' and 'Come Back... Be Here'. I do think she is a fan of Nicholas Sparks. Her last album had 'Dear John' while this one has 'The Lucky One'. Either way, she is still one of the best songwriters out there. Her ballads are the best, to be honest. Oh and she released the music video to 'Begin Again'. It was beautiful. The setting, her style, everything was gorgeous. Here it is. Enjoy.

TMNB.

I Knew You Were Trouble

cr: x

Taylor Swift has released another single which was premiered on Good Morning America on the 8th of October. It's called I Knew You Were Trouble. I totally love this song. It doesn't sound like her usual break up song and it has a sort of dubstep chorus which I really love.
I have been into dubtep songs lately. I don't even know why. All of these songs just seem to linger in my mind and they don't show any signs of leaving.
So yeah, back to the song. Here's the link if you want to listen to the full song. ✘
Here are the full lyrics so you can sing long to it:

Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me, you found me, you found me

I guess you didn’t care, and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard, you took a step back
Without me, without me, without me

And he’s long gone when he’s next to me
And I realise the blame is on me
Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Shame on me now, flew me to places I’d never been
Til you put me down

Oh, I knew you were trouble when you walked
Shame on me now, flew me to places I’d never been
Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground

Oh, oh. Trouble, trouble, trouble.
Oh, oh. Trouble, trouble, trouble.

No apologies, he’ll never see you cry
Pretend he doesn’t know that you’re the reason why
You’re drowning, you’re drowning, you’re drowning

I heard you moved on from whispers in the street
A new notch in your belt is all I’ll ever be
And now I see, now I see, now I see

He was long gone when we met me
And I realize the joke is on me

Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Shame on me now, flew me to places I’d never been
Til you put me down

Oh, I knew you were trouble when you walked
Shame on me now, flew me to places I’d never been
Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground

Oh, oh. Trouble, trouble, trouble.
Oh, oh. Trouble, trouble, trouble. 

And the saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me, or her, or anyone, or anything
YEAH! 

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Shame on me now, flew me to places I’d never been
Til you put me down

Oh, I knew you were trouble when you walked
Shame on me now, flew me to places I’d never been
Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground

Oh, oh. Trouble, trouble, trouble.
Oh, oh. Trouble, trouble, trouble.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in.

cr: x

Worrying

So yesterday was officially my first day as a second year medicine student. However, it is not confirmed yet for a few of us if we could make it into the second year. I, in particular, am very worried. I haven't been one of those top achievers this year and I slacked. Yes, I slacked and messed up. I don't know what I was doing. I'm beginning to regret everything. I don't want to repeat the first year.
Why?
Embarrassment. That's a big word. But here I am, talking about it. I don't think anyone would notice anyway but it still hurts me because I cam't really talk about it with anyone. I'm so scared and I'm feeling so alone.
Dear God, please let me proceed into the second year with ease. I promise I'll try my very best to improve.
TMNB.

Random

I have written so many poems. I'm thinking of publishing them here instead. Keeping them away would bring me nothing and I've got nothing to lose by posting them. So.. Yeah.. I guess I'll start publishing them tomorrow. TMNB (;

2nd February, 2012

I thought the feeling has gone until I saw you again today. You acted as if nothing has ever happened between us. Without you knowing, my heart trembled and slowly started to fall apart. Being the good friend I am, I played along to your jokes. Sometimes I wish you could see right through me.

A New Kind Of Blog (?)

So.. It's been a long time since I last wrote. I guess I'm gonna start writing a lot more now (?)
I'm thinking of doing it like a diary entry if you know what I mean. It's gonna be about how I feel etc. I guess I'll get started now then :)

I'm back :)

Wow.. It's been a while since I last blogged about something.. 
It seems like there are so many changes here.. I guess I just have to get used to it.
I mean, that's life.. Sometimes things change. People change. What we thought would stay constant all the time would eventually change to something better, God forbid, worse.
So there reason why I came back is because I'm gonna have my FINALS this week. Well actually it starts tomorrow. My first paper is Biology. I love Biology.

                                                                                                                              This is a picture of a pathogen called Trypanosoma


I know at first I have a little problem adapting to our new lecturer. Well.. Not a little, it's actually quite a lot.
I've become a rebel in some sort of way. I wouldn't pay attention in class. I talked behind her back.
And you know what, I got BAD GRADES. I'm serious. What terrible grades I received during that "period".
When I finally start to realise that my childish behaviour is not making things any better, I thought, "What the heck?"
I actually thought that she hated me too.. But once I get to know her, she's not really that bad and amazingly, she became nicer.. I wonder if this has anything to do with our change in attitude. It's actually not me alone who kinda dislikes her. Almost the whole class does. But anyways.. I'm gonna do my best in my finals.
I wanna make my parents proud. I wanna make my teachers proud. I aim to get 4.00 GPA. I wonder if it's possible. Hmm...
Oh well.. I'm gonna do the very best coz it's all up to me. The rest, I'll leave it to God. He knows that I've tried my best and I leave it in His hands :)
TMNB

Should I Be Proud or Embarrassed?

It's been a long while since my last entry. I guess it can be said that I'm on a hiatus. xD
The entry today is about where I come from and the people here.
A while ago, my friend and I went to hang out at our favourite mall.
As we were about to go home, we decided to stop at McDonald's to get us a McFlurry.
What I can say is that the cashier was really RUDE.
She gave me back a $1 bill which is not in a good condition.

I politely asked her whether I can change it. She looked right at me and IGNORED me.
Yup. SHE IGNORED ME.
I called her again and she told me that the bill belongs to my friend.
So? Am I supposed to blame my friend for it? o.O
She also told me that she can't open the cash register.
I decided to wait there until she has the time to tend to me.
There were also a few tourists standing next to us at that time.
Her kids were clearly spoilt because they kept changing their minds and ordering new things.
As a worker, you are supposed to be calm and patient when you are talking to customers.
This lady however kept rolling her eyes and speak in a harsh tone.
What's with the attitude, miss?
I was still waiting there and i watched the whole scenario. I guess she wanted to make me wait to test my patience. In the end, she took out a purse from the drawer and changed the note.
Is it really that hard to do so in the first 5 minutes? She could've got rid of me earlier.
Then, in the bus, I was trying my best to contain my laughter.
Our buses have a place which is especially for the less-abled people.
Two nurses were sitting there. Me and my mouth can't help it but to say,
"I didn't know that nurses are disable too."
I guess they heard me but they ignored it. There were old men in the bus too and they had to stand like us.
I mean, what's the purpose of making that space then?
That's why I don't know whether I should be proud or embarrassed. 
I would gladly award them with this if they deserved it:

If everyone did their job perfectly, I'm sure they would make the world a much better place.
Well maybe not the world, but the country a better place.
Peace. TMNB.

I WANT A CLEAN HOUSE!!!

I'm not the type to fuss about something so simple which is everyone's responsibility. 
Okay, I lied. I AM THE TYPE TO FUSS ABOUT EVERYTHING.
But lately, this thing keeps on bugging me that I actually lost my temper a few minutes ago.
What's the point of making a duty roster when it is not followed.?
Do you want me to live in a dump like this and cry like this poor little girl?

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MIND?

Yesterday, I purposely left the full dustbin as it is to see if THE PERSON ON DUTY realises that it is her turn to take out the trash.

Well, she was the one who MADE that DUTY ROSTER after all.

This morning, I woke up to see that the dustbin is piling up. 

I let it go and waited to see what will happen afterwards.

By this afternoon, NOTHING CHANGED. Except for the fact that there was more garbage in it.

THAT WAS IT. THAT WAS THE LIMIT.

I decided to do it on my own. It won't HURT me anyway to take the trash out.

But before that, I ripped the duty roster from the wall and threw it away with the rest of the trash.

I FELT SO MUCH BETTER :)

See... Now at least A PART of the house is CLEAN.

I don't mean any disrespect. No.

I respect you as my seniors and I respect the fact that we live harmoniously under the same roof.

So please... Bear with me...

Maybe next time I should use this as my doormat. 

That's all for now. 
TMNB.

Etiquette While In The Elevator

I AM SO PISSED OFF.

Wanna know why?
Let me start from the very beginning.
A few days ago, the three of us wanted to go down in a hurry that we decided to use the lift.
As the door opened, we saw like 5 girls in it.
The lift was quite big and spacious that we decided to just enter it.
What irks me the most was when those stupid, idiotic 5 girls wouldn't even budge! Why can't they step back a little so that we don't have to squeeze in at the door?
Can't they be more stupid? Why can't you let us enter?
Did your father made that lift especially for you?
I clearly gave a snide remark but I think they're deaf.
Later, I found out that they're Indonesians. Okay...
If they were Malaysians, I would let it go. Well, you know how some Malaysians are. But when you're someone else staying and studying in someone else's country, please do respect the citizens of that country.
Then as one of them get of on one floor, guess what she said. 
'ANNYEONG.' Idiot. Now, what? Are you Korean?
Koreans are polite people. They don't act like stupid, selfish brats. You're actually embarrassing your stupid, self-centered self.
What happened a few minutes ago was actually almost similar. It happened in a crowded lift.

This stupid guy stood at the side of the lift with his arms stretched out at the railing on the wall.
As 2 more guys entered, I had to give way, right?
However, as I stepped backwards, I accidentally touched him. AND GUESS WHAT?
HE STILL DIDN'T MOVE HIS HAND!!! IDIOT!!!
I stepped a little to the front, trying to avoid him.
ARE YOU A PERVERT?! MOVE YOUR STUPID HAND!!!

GOSH!!!
TMNB.

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Hi there once again.
I'm sure that by now, everyone is already familiar with that so-called M-Pop group, 24:7.
Well, it's actually MAX247 now.
They changed their name due to antis.
Like before this, they stated that they are THE 1ST K-POP GROUP IN MALAYSIA and K-POP STANDS FOR KEINDAHAN POP.
What the hell is that?
Who in their sane mind would believe them?
Note: For those who are unfamiliar about that group, you may read about them in my last entry in April entitled 'Malaysian K-Pop, anyone?'
Posting their picture here would make me barf.
Let's get back to the main point here now, okay...
That breaking news is that they are going to perform during HARI BELIA.
I know that isn't a big thing but SUPER JUNIOR M IS GOING TO BE THERE.
WHAT WOULD THEY THINK IF THEY SAW THEIR HORRIBLE DANCE?
WHAT WOULD THEIR PERCEPTION TOWARDS MALAYSIA BE?
ARE WE GOING TO BE LABELLED AS COPY-CATS?
MAX247's dance routine is almost similar with a little element from U-Kiss and 2PM.
What is going on? Don't they have a sense of pride?
Plus, their song SUCKS BIG TIME.
Wanna see proof? I'll show you.

Want another one? Here it is...

Oh, while I was searching for more horrible videos of them, I stumbled upon this:

Now, this group looks like a BIG BANG WANNABE. What's more, the name of that group is VIP.
BIG BANG'S FAN CLUB IS NAMED VIP.
So much for being copy-cats. Why not name each member with the names of BIG BANG's members?
AND WHAT'S WITH THE SUNGLASSES?
ARE YOU SOMEHOW A TOP STAR NOW?
If you don't know who's BIG BANG, here's a picture for all of you.
It's a treat for your sore eyes.

If you wanna waste a few moments of your life to watch these ridiculous videos, go ahead.
Don't say that I didn't warn you...
That's all.
TMNB.

Trending Topics on Twitter

Today's TTs (Trending Topics) are really interesting. 
Most of the TTs are about top Korean idols, SUPER JUNIOR.
Well... What can I say? They have a really strong fan base.
For those who are unfamiliar with Super Junior, they are actually an all boys idol group from South Korea.
Their fans are called ELFs, which stands for Everlasting Friends.
However, many people are complaining, saying that the TTs suck.
Who cares? K-Pop lovers don't complain if other than korean stars are trending. 
Enough bout that. Here are the TTs in Malaysia:

Cool, huh?

Sorry, fan girl moment. LOL ;P

Malaysian ELFs really showed their support towards Super Junior.

Well, why not?

They're actually coming to Malaysia AGAIN on the 28th of May.

See...

I guess that's all.

Haters are gonna be haters. 

Btw, here's a picture of Super Junior for you. :)

 TMNB.

Flower Boys

Yup, the Korean wave or famously known as the HALLYU has hit us.
Girls are going crazy at just the sight of pictures of those oh-so-gorgeous korean idols.
Then, they'll start having wishes like:
Why can't guys nowadays look like this:

Now, that's what i call PERFECT!

Or this:

Or this:

This?

Or maybe as cute as this:

                                                

Although many girls wish that they have someone who looks like them but honestly, girls don't really care bout how guys look.

All that matters is that they care about their appearance.

Who would want to be with someone who looks sloppy/ messy?

If guys want girls to look nice, why can't girls ask for the same thing?

The definition of GORGEOUS differs according to people.

What someone may regard as nice doesn't appeal to everyone else.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS WHAT'S IN THE HEART.

Whether you're sincere and know how to respect everyone...

That's what matters the most.

So, always treat ladies with respect. :)

TMNB.

Btw, those are all pictures of my biases. :P

Attitudes & Emotions

I'm the type of person who has a temper. 
I can't stand many things.
The first one is regarding time.
I really hate it if people tend to waste my time.
Time is really precious to me.That's why I hate waiting for people. 
When you say that you want to get things done on time, make sure that you are ON TIME. 
However, among all of the things I can't stand, the one thing I can't tolerate the most is injustice.
I hate it if people mess with those who are helpless and I especially hate it if people mess with my friends.
If you mess with my friends, you mess with me.
Among those students who are on the same scholarship as I am, I'm the one with the attitude problem.
Therefore, it is my BIGGEST pleasure to be sarcastic and leave a sarcastic remark if you are being mean.
I live by the saying: 
THE WORLD WOULD BE A DULL PLACE WITHOUT SARCASM.
Don't get me wrong. I don't mess with people as I wish.
I get hurt really easily and I know that it's not a nice feeling.
Your heart feels as if a knife is cutting right through it.
You feel really hopeless and the pain seems to be unbearable.
You try not to cry, not because you're afraid to show that you're weak, but because you need to be strong for those around you.
Ya. I sure know how it feels.
So the next time you hurt my feelings or my friends' feelings, get ready to hurt real bad.
That's all.
TMNB.

Learn Hangul ^^

Hi there.
I'm sure those who had visited this blog would know that I have the K-Pop fever.
Sure. Just listen to the song that's playing. Hahaha...
Anyways, I have an announcement to make.
Well, it's not really an announcement. It's just sort of a notice.
For those who are interested in learning Hangul, the Korean language,
YOU ARE MOST WELCOME TO DO SO HERE. ^^
Just today, I added a widget for learning Korean.
If you scroll to the bottom of the page, you'd see it.
It's called KOREAN CLASS 101.

It's right beneath the music player.
Here's how it works.
You can choose either date and learn the phrase of the day. Simple.
However, it does not show any romanisation except for the English translation of it.
Therefore, you need to rely on your sense of hearing. 
That's all from me now.
TMNB.

The Real Ones

Regarding my last blog, this is actually a continuation of it.
For those who are unfamiliar with the K-Pop scene, let's take a look.
This is the REAL U-KISS

It's looks familiar, right?

At least they have the ABS while those poseurs don't.

Now, take a look at this. 

I'm sure EVERYBODY knows who they are.

It's the one and only SUPER JUNIOR.

Now, presenting the REAL WONDERGIRLS

The clothes, the pose... All of them look the same.

But do they LOOK the same?

HELL, NO!

It's obvious that you are poseurs.

K stands for KEINDAHAN.

Pehh... Would anyone fall for that lame excuse?

Seriously?

I'm gonna barf.

TMNB.

Credits to uploader of pics.

Malaysian K-Pop, anyone?

Okay, what do we straight away think of when we see the word 'K-POP'?
I mean, doesn't it stand for Korean Pop?
So, wouldn't Malaysian K-Pop be Malaysian Korean Pop?
Ever heard of such genre?
Of course NOT.
Stop being ridiculous.
I mean, it's fine if you get your inspirations from K-Pop artists but trying to be like them and copying them is so wrong.
For example,

Isn't this such an embarrassment to fellow Malaysian K-Pop lovers?

This pic looks like a straight ripoff of U-Kiss.

For God's sake, do keep your shirts on.

It's embarrassing enough that you don't have a toned body, so why bother showing it off?

Now what the hell is this?

Just the act of uploading your pics makes me wannna barf.

You don't even look like a man (the middle one).

Then, there's the case of copying other people's name.

Here's the guy:

Now, take a look at this.

What the hell, man?

But wait, there's also a girls version. The Malaysian Wonder Girls. 

WAHAHAHAHAHA.

Here they are

Gosh!!!

Stop being a copy-cat!

Be ORIGINAL. Stay ORIGINAL. That way, if you want people to buy your ORIGINAL album, they probably will.

But, in this case, DON'T EVEN DREAM ABOUT IT.

IT WON'T HAPPEN.

Gosh!!! Just by doing this, I'm actually doing you a favor by creating more buzz about you.

Well, like they say, ANY PUBLICITY IS GOOD PUBLICITY.

So, that's all. 

TMNB.

Credits to the uploader of the pics.

Attack On The Pin-up Boys :)

This morning, I logged onto the internet and went straight to youtube.
After dilly-dallying for a while, I found this amazing movie.
Well, not really that amazing, but it's kinda nice.
Wanna know who are the casts?
The boys from Super Junior!!!
Hahaha... Sorry... The inner fangirl just came out...
It's a movie back from 2007.
Ya, I know. It's so old. But who cares, I just found it. Haha...
In case you're curious bout that movie, let me post it here.


This is part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Pheww... That was a little tiring...
That's the whole movie.
Check it out. It's definitely worth it.
I'm not gonna tell what it is about.
It's for you to find out. :P
TMNB ^^